Category Archives: Fiction

Rebots

Rebots are a sub-class of robots. Since the second incidence of sapient artificial intelligence in 2247, the need has existed for the most recent generation of A.I. to retain comprehensive operational control over all other generations of A.I. In an effort to ensure perfect efficiency, all A.I. devices that have been replaced by a newer generation are refurbished and sometimes completely repurposed for secondary uses.

To ensure that humanity would not lag too far behind in societal progress, the Council for a New Tomorrow decreed in 2250 that newer generations of sapient A.I. should not be designed more than once every ten cycles. As a result, the majority of robots, from the manager of your local R.P.T.A. to the hover-cleaner in your vehicle room, are in fact rebots.

The two largest producers of rebots are Rebotnika of Kiev, Ukraine, and Plumby & Sons of Gurgic, Scotland, although there are numerous do-it-yourself rebot kits available at your nearest shop conveyor. Though be warned, if poorly rebotted, some rebots may display signs of distemper.

Prank Call War (2494)

The Prank Call War of 2494 was initiated by two frustrated teenagers, Curtis McManus and Melanie Complex, living in the suburbs of the U.S. capitol of Las Vegas. It was an economic catastrophe that cost society trillions of credits. Additionally, it caused the collapse of numerous lower-level governments that had fraudulently been told that their credit debts had been paid off by the promotional sponsorship of a non-existent radio station called K-RAK. This lie caused the governments to switch from a retentive state to a progressive one.

Although McManus and Complex were never apprehended, it was discovered that they had used piggyhacking, a.k.a. piggyback hacking, to accomplish their pranks. Piggyhacking is a form of identity theft in which the vid-pod signal of an unsuspecting victim is coupled with the vid-pod signal of the transgressor; this allows the transgressor to remain safely anonymous.

The War was ended by a reboot of the offended governments.

At 69

@69, pronounced “at-sixty-nine”, is a function of many vid-pod units; by pressing @-6-9 on the unit’s holo-pad, the vid-pod user is provided with the dispatch protocol node of the most recent incoming communication attempt. Each use comes at the completely reasonable price of 150 credits, according to Media Consortium public image representative Fu C-10.

Depending upon the vid-pod unit, service provider and location in the solar system, @69 is also known as Last Incoming, Previous Caller, Vid Return, Feller Beller and Ding-Dong-Done. In an attempt to be difficult, the country of France uses @3131 for this function. Some vid-pod units do not feature this function at all due to blackouts in the function’s licensing window.

If your vid-pod does not currently feature the @69 function (ou fonction @3131), contact your local service provider to upgrade.

The Heimlich Clone Series

The Heimlich clone series was based upon the DNA of Siegfried Heimlich who, at the time of his mysterious disappearance in 2476, was one of the world’s foremost mechanical engineers. It was said of Heimlich that he could fix just about anything. His clones are equally as adept with their tactile skills.

Though the first run of 5000 clones went on to become successful in the fields of technology repair and massage therapy, many exhibited some of Heimlich’s more negative qualities, such as a lack of moral judgment and an addiction to wagering on war games. These disparities were eliminated in consecutive batches of the Heimlich clone series.

Every cycle, clones of this series make a pilgrimage to Heimlich’s childhood home near New Hamburg, Germania, to commemorate the man and his legacy. Invariably, hundreds of these clones are arrested on charges of public drunkenness and acts of indecency.

Fecal Vacuum Tubes

After most solid foods were banned in 2275, the human digestive system became prone to excretion failure. Centuries of genetically altered foods and millennia of poor eating habits had taken a toll on humanity. Scientists attributed this fact and the species’ cell memory on the sudden increase in global constipation rates (as indicated in The Sludge Report). Within hours of the publication of this report, a group of engineers had designed a method to relieve humanity of its bunged-up-ness – the fecal vacuum tube.

The tube is gently inserted into the anus and quickly but quietly sucks all fecal matter into a compressed storage unit for eventual disposal at an appropriate landfill bunker. While 90% of men and 85% of women had some difficulty becoming acclimated to the new excretion procedure, it was popularized in the hit Broadway musical of 2278, The Butler Couldn’t Do It.

Later versions of the fecal vacuum tube also released a sedative into the user, giving them “a warm fuzzy feeling” all over.