Tag Archives: dogs

I got played by a dog

I take the dog for a walk. I bring a stick.

I show her the stick. She gets excited. I direct her to go do her business.

She gets the picture.

She sniffs around. Stares at me.

Sniffs around. Stares at me.

I direct her to do her business.

She sits down.


I throw the stick. She retrieves it.

I throw it again. She retrieves it.

I throw it again. She goes and does her business.

I tried to play the dog. But the dog played me.

I got played by a dog.

All Dogs Go To Paris

This morning I received the best unsolicited commercial email I’ve ever received. The first great thing about was that it was addressed to me. These people found me and sent this email to me specifically.

I’m checking to see if you have any upcoming travel plans for which you were considering chartering a private jet.

Okay, can I just say, I love you. I love you because you assumed I was already wealthy enough to afford a private jet. Thanks buddy. Furthermore, I love you because you didn’t push your shit on me, you inquired to see if I even needed your shit.

At Talon we have a transient fleet of 19 aircraft and are equipped to meet any itinerary. We have recently added five Hawker 4000s to our certificate and are the only US operator that has this aircraft available for charter.

I don’t know what a transient fleet is but it kind of sounds like your pilots are homeless. And that’s great that you’re helping the homeless by letting them fly your airplanes. I hope anything in the cockpit that is made of aluminum is bolted down, otherwise they may take it and try to sell it at a scrapyard.

And these Hawker 4000s sound really impressive. Not that I know much of anything about the various makes and models of aircraft. But they have a number in the thousands attached to their name and that makes anything sound impressive. For instance, the Deathtrap 4000 sounds far more impressive than the mere Deathtrap.

I am here to assist you in determining the most ideal program for your personal or corporate travel needs; be it to charter our aircraft on a trip-by-trip basis, arrange a custom Block Time Agreement or explore aircraft ownership and management.

Aircraft ownership? But I’m not even a Scientologist.

If you have a flight in mind or are curious about a price, please contact me with your trip details including dates, destination and the number of passengers and I will provide you with the best available option.

Oh I am very curious about a price.

As for a flight in mind, my gal and I want to take our dog on a holiday to Paris because, well, in our opinion, every dog should be taken on a holiday to Paris at least once in their short but joyful lives. So that’s 2 passengers plus 1 canine. I’m guessing this will cost several thousand dollars to charter. I may need to find a few more passengers to offset the cost.

Anyone wanna go from Toronto to Paris and back on a private jet? Message me. Dogs welcome.

The Dog Ain’t No Day Player

Several years ago, I had a small role (what they call a day player) in a TV drama.

At some point during the production of this TV show, I was interviewed by a marketing assistant for inclusion in the show’s press kit, what they give to journalists in advance of the show’s premiere in order to gain news coverage. I was interviewed for 45 minutes over the phone.

A few weeks later, I was told that the associate producer of the TV show wanted to meet with me. I sat down across from her in her office as she informed me that I would not be included in the press kit. She offered some excuse – not enough space or something like that. I don’t remember clearly because it wasn’t really my business; it was their press kit and they could package it any way they wanted. I was a day player, not a star.

So when the press kit was eventually distributed, I knew I was not included in it, it didn’t matter to me, but I was curious to learn about some of the other actors on the show.

Now, there was a dog on this TV show – an extremely well-groomed border collie named Charlie. And I love dogs. I am a “dog person.” Dogs are the most consistently happy creatures I have ever had the pleasure of knowing.

Well, the dog was in the press kit.

I’ll say that again, simply for emphasis, the – dog – was – in – the – press – kit.

I’m not one to think that my species is overly superior to any other, but really, how difficult is it for a dog to hit his marks, remain in the moment and look appealing to a wide demographic?

According to the press kit, Charlie had once worked with Gene Hackman. I certainly could not claim that, I thought. Then I kicked myself for comparing my own credentials to those of a dog. Like I said, I love dogs, but not when I’m competing with them for column space in a newspaper.

I did not go to the wrap party. I could not bring myself to look Charlie in the muzzle.

My only consolation – I may have been a news-unworthy day player, but at least no doctor removed my testicles.